Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse Part 1: Classification

Reporter: Chief, if I were surrounded by six or eight of these things, would I stand a chance with them? 

Sheriff McClelland: Well, there’s no problem. If you have a gun, shoot ‘em in the head. That’s a sure way to kill ‘em. If you don’t, get yourself a club or a torch. Beat ‘em or burn ‘em. They go up pretty easy.”

Not so fast Sheriff…
You might have helped define a genre and subculture in 1968’s  zombie-cult-classic, Night of the Living Dead, but your advice is oversimplified and insufficient. If getting your hands on a couple of firearms and going zombie hunting is your plan too… you won’t last very long.

I thought it would be appropriate to expand on the sheriff’s counsel and divulge some potentially crucial survival tips that you should keep in mind when reports of “bite victims” start to surface in the news (or trend on Twitter). This post represents Part 1 of a series of zombie survival posts by Good Canadian Kid (GCK). I have researched this topic extensively, pooled knowledge from multiple sources and condensed, what I believe to be, the most important zombie survival information. I have elected to stay away from ‘zombie rule puns’ and other charming gimmicks – the information throughout this series will be mainly informative and instructional. In this initial entry I will be discussing zombie classification, giving you the knowledge to define the zombie threat you are up against.

We must first understand that zombies are merely infected dead or alive humans and do not gain any super-power abilities such as increased strength or seeing around corners.

What Type of Zombie Are You Up Against?

While the zombies in Night of the Living Dead were awakened from eternal slumber due to nuclear radiation, I will be discussing the two dominant zombie archetypes:

Type #1: The Solanum Zombie (aka the Hollywood Zombie)

The first category, coined by zombie-guru and author, Max Brooks in his book, The Zombie Survival Guide, is called the ‘Solanum virus zombie’ or the ‘Hollywood Zombie’.

The Solanum virus

 “… works by traveling through the blood stream from the initial point of entry to the brain. Through means not yet fully understood, the virus uses the cells of the frontal lobe for replication, destroying them in the process. During this period, all bodily functions ceases. By stopping the heart, the infected subject is rendered “dead”. The brain, however, remains alive but dormant, while the virus mutates its cells into a completely new organ. The most critical trait of this new organ is its independence from oxygen.”

Max Brooks

By this definition, once the virus has fully consumed the host, some bodily functions remain constant, others operate in a modified (usually degraded) capacity and the remainder shut down completely – the new organism is now a zombie.

This is the stereotypical zombie we see a the majority of zombie movies and literature… from Dawn of the Dead to Resident Evil – the same zombie the sheriff warned you about.

Characteristics of the Solanum/Hollywood Zombie:

• Dead
• Slow moving
• Moans
• Doesn’t attack other zombies
• Eat’s living human flesh (although can’t digest it)
• Infects new host via bites and/or scratches
• Must destroy brain to kill
• Can live for a very long time (even years depending on the conditions)

Note: ‘zombies’ have been part of vodoo tradition for centuries, and Night of the Living Dead was not the first, but easily the most influential zombie film.)

Type #2: The Infected ‘Zombie’

As I previously mentioned, George Ramero’s zombie classic, Night of the Living Dead, widely defined the standards of what constitutes a ‘zombie’; an animated corpse that feeds on living human flesh, however, the ‘infected’ zombie is distinct from the solanum/Holywood zombie as the host organism is not dead.

These ‘zombies’ are humans who have been infected by a contagious virus which distorts brain function/behavior (think rabies virus on steroids) and turns fully functional living humans into cannibalistic monsters. While this zombie class might not be as influential in popular culture, this outbreak is much more plausible then for the one previously defined. For a movie reference, watch 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later. In my opinion, these two movies represent a interesting and important development in the zombie genre.

I imagine a few zombie buffs are shaking their heads right now, but hear me out. This post represents an introduction to a zombie survival guide; the “zombie classification” discussion is a can of worms I’m afraid to open (you are welcome to leave a comment below though). For the purpose of preparing and informing the audience for future GCK posts, I am defining zombies as; humans (dead or alive) which display a core set of behavior characteristics (e.g., mindless blood lust and degraded/insufficient reasoning skills).

This topic still remains a controversial debate, but we’ll never know for sure until it hits.

Characteristics of the Infected Zombie:

• Alive
• Fast moving
• Screams/yells/moans
• May or may not attack other zombies (I’ll leave this open)
• Eat’s living human flesh (digests it to live)
• Infects new host via bites and/or scratches
• Can be killed like an ordinary human

Thank you for reading Part 1 of the GCK Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide.

Part 2 of this guide discusses weapons and will be out soon.

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- Ty